i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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