Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
