he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
