whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
