i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
