I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
