I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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