I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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