he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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