apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
