Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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