I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
