I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
