Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
