How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
