So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
