I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Drunk is not a location!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
