Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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