Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
