It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
