I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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