After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
