Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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