dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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