i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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