R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
