Ambien. No doubt about it.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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