I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
