Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
