I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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