you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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