Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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