its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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