i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
