I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
