clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
