I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
