I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
