If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
