Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
