I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
