I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
