oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
