I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
