are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
