wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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