Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Boobs are out for the taking
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Come share oat with me in your robe
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
