You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
