His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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