Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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