I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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