I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
