there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
